WHAT CAUSES OF MARITAL INSTABILITY IN NIGERIA

Marital Instability, which simply refers to the interpersonal difficulties within the marital relationship, has many causative factors. Ajai and Ipaye (1997) wrote thus: The family is the most basic unit of society and building block for national development. Just as there cannot exist any society without families or homes, there cannot be sustainable development without stable families or homes. Nothing man does is ever perfect, therefore, there are bound to be imperfections in marriages. He also perceived that various conflict and crises that cause marital problems include the following factors: economic hardship, sickness and sexual
incompatibility. Onyia and Aniche (2002) summarized the causes of marital disruption as follows: unsatisfactory sexual relationship, incompatibility of the couple, economic issue and childlessness and sex of the children.

In Amahuo (1982) the followings are observed as the causes of marital instability; sexual starvation/deprivation, incompatibility of tempers, educational disparity and unwise choice of a partner. Kumuyi (2004) pinpointed the factors that causes marital failure as follows; lack of love by the husband for the wife, unsub,missiveness on the part of the wife and sexual starvation. Nkwocha (2002) noted that marital instability is caused by childlessness, sickness, male child syndrome and incompatibility. Gorer (1971) summarized the causes of marital instability in the following ways: lack of love/affection, poverty, infidelity, drunkenness and sexual incompatibility.

According to Ugwuanyi (1999) the factors that cause marital crises are as follows: infidelity, lack of financial and emotional support and undue interference from the in-laws. In the same way Ezeh (2000) perceived the following factors as the cause of marital instability: lack of harmony among the couples, economic problems/unemployment, sickness and lack of adequate support. The causes of marital instability can then be reviewed.

BARRENNESS
According to Nkwocha (2002) childlessness is not new. It is as old as the world. But the problem is perhaps more prevalent in modern society. They, as marriage counselors know what childless couples are going through.
Especially, the so-called barren womeri_go through hell. In most cases her husband believes she is the one that has a problem. The husband feels less concerned about the plight of the woman especially where the man has another wife who has children through him. In such a case, the women affected suffer terrible humiliation from her husband or the other wife. This situation is complicated in monogamous homes, because the couples face more pressures from parent's in-laws, friends, relation etc.
The primary aim of marriage is procreation. When there is no child as a result of impotence on the part of either the wife or husband, conflict will set in (Owo 1994). Nwigwe noted that childlessness is caused by infertility in either of the husband or wife. He also noted that about 15 percent of the adult population in the childbearing age group (20 - 40 years) is primary infertile. In showing how some societies view childlessness, he said that in some societies, childless couples are seen as people who are cursed or people who have offended the gods. So inside the confines of their homes, they blame one another for causing the problem.
Jossy expressed her feelings, when she-had not gotten any child after her marriage thus "one other thing I have seen in marriage is that the expectation of the first pregnancy after wedding elicits a lot of hysteria. Most times, it adversely affects the couple. In our own case, we were lucky that it happened not long after the wedding. But even then, there were remarks that made us very uneasy (Ekedinma, 1990).

SICKNESS
Sickness, illness or ill health is the aftermath of the presence of disease in the body. Such a health disorder is a major problem in the family. It destabilizes a home and denies family member's good health, peace of mind and happiness. This is because if adequate care is not taken, sickness emanating from serious ailment can lead to death. In addition, sickness consumes a lot of money, much of which may not be readily available in the family. In fact many families spend much of their time in hospitals and much of their finances on hospital bills. This is sad (Nkwocha 2002).
Eze (2000) noted sickness as one of the causes of marital instability. Any-family that goes to hospitaler spends most of their time in hospital is prone to have problems in their home. This is because they spend a lot of money, and a times they forfeit going to work, which will result in poverty.

MALE CHILD SYNDROME
In Nigeria, serious emotional attachment is placed on male children. If all the children are females, the man may want to get another wife to continue the search for a male child and this may lead to divorce (Owo, 1994). Nkwocha (2002) perceived that many marriages have collapsed as a result of the male child syndrome. This is a phenomenon in which a husband, a wife or the husband's relatives or friends regard the birth of a boy in the family as being more important than that of girls. Many homes are therefore in turmoil because the couples do not have a male child or male children. As a result of this behaviour, many wives are usually on edge and unhappy until they are able to have at least one male child. In the frantic search for the elusive male child or children, many women end up having many female children. Nwankwo, (1999) reported* the case of a woman who ended up having thirteen (13) children, all of them are girls, because the husband insisted that his wife must give him a baby boy. This is a painful condition.

INCOMPATIBILITY
It is observed in watchtower that incompatibility of couple leads to marital crises. Also, that compatibility determines goal similarity among couple. For example, how they feel about having children.
According to Nkwocha (2002) compatibility or incompatibility could be in form of ideas, principles, habits, temperament, religion, education, and sex. He observed that human beings have individual differences but problem arises when the husband or wife or both are fanatical about such pursuits at the expense of the other person.
Also, he noticed that some couples might hold strongly to certain ideas, beliefs, interest and principles. This is dangerous to family life especially if the other partner detests them. Serious problems come in the areas of habit, ideas, beliefs, interest and principles once they are detestable to each of them. Examples include smoking, alcoholism, and drug addition, keeping late nights. So if, the husband has these behaviours and the wife detests them, incompatibility is bound to result.
In the area of education, Owo (1994) observed that there is now quiet revolution in the family as a result of women's education cum employment. Where one of the couple is educated and the other is almost uneducated, they may have a problem in their marriage.
Odunze (1991) stated that a university graduate is riot educationally compatible with a primary school student. Also, he noted that some partners are both highly tempered. Each time they quarrel, they inflict serious wounds on each other. For peace to be in the home, it is important that at least one partner should be cool tempered.
For unity to be in the home, there must be religious compatibility. Watchtower noted that worshiping God together is the most important aspect of unity in the home. Nkwocha stated that it is always better for those who are religiously inclined to marry those who are like them. For example born again Christians should marry born again Christians. He noted that incompatibility based on religion has indeed torn many families apart. Sex incompatibility is another area that causes problem in marriage (Ibid).

LACK OF LOVE/AFFECTION
Kumuyi (2004) showed the importance of love in any relationship by saying that love is living, love grows. Love can grow cold but it can be revived. He stated that when love is replaced with bitterness the marriage is at the verge of collapsing. In accordance with Kumuyi, Royks (1999) perceived that lack of love between partners causes marital instability.

ECONOMIC PROBLEM
Obviously, the economy of Nigeria is very bad as a result of that most heads of families (husbands) are unable to cater for the family. This problem leads to misunderstandings arid finally to marital instabilities (Okonkwo, 2002). It is the duty of the husband and wife to support their relatives. This sometimes is a source of conflict between the couple, when one of the spouses, usually the wife^ feels that the husband does not adequately accommodate' her own siblings. This is especially acute in a situation where the couple resources are limited. In a well to-do family, such conflicts hardly arise, unless either of the spouses is selfish by nature.
AGE OF MARRIAGE
Many married couples find out that they are not happy as husband and wife. Some marriages fail because the man and woman married when they were young and inexperienced in many ways. People who marry before they are 18 years old are much more likely to have unsuccessful marriages than if they had waited until they were older (World Book, 2001).
Awake (2004) viewed premarital cohabitation as related to lower marital satisfaction, less time spent together in shared activities, higher levels of marital disagreement, less supportive behaviour, less positive problem solving, as cause of marital instability. In comparing couple who enter direct into marriage and couple who court, it was also observed that couples who do not court first have a higher risk of marital dissolution than those who enter into marriage after some years of courtship.
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