RAPE AND RELATIONSHIP | WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE | REASONS WHY PEOPLE ARE RAPED


INTRODUCTION
The word “rape” which has succeeded in destroying some well and long built relationships has the explanation written below.
            The history of rape which can be traced from the holy bible in Genesis 34:1-2 where shechem son of Hamour the Hivite, who was chief of that region (cannan) saw Dinah the daughter, got attracted to her because of her beauty and raped her. They Jacob’s sons went back and killed the man, the father and some other people in that place out of anger.

            This singular act which is a grievous offence by the dictates of the Nigerian constitution, section 357 cap 38 of the criminal code imposes life sentence on person who commits rape while the same section imposes two years imprisonment on perpetrators.
            This barbaric act which has caused some families involved in one way or the other heart breaking got some killed in the process and some got everlasting injuries which they still receive treatment up till today.

DEFINITION
            Rape is defined as having forceful carnal knowledge of a woman or having carnal knowledge through forceful or fraudulent means.
            According to paper back oxford English dictionary, rape is to force to have intercourse or sex with her against her will. It is also defined as the act of fulfilling a sexual desire unjustly OR forcing someone to have sex with you when the person do not want to by threatening the person or using violence.
            A rapist uses power to achieve this selfish goal in order to satisfy his/her sexual urge. The rapist might take drugs to give him/her energy, drug the individual in order to sleep off or make such individual drunk in order to avoid self defence.
            Rape is a crime, whether it is performed by a stranger, a  relative, a boyfriend, a date, an acquaintance or a family member. No matter how it happens, rape is frightening and traumatizing and such person who are involved need care, comfort and protection from large one.
            Both men and women of various age are exposed to this deadly act that is rape is unisex issue.

FORMS OF RAPE
            As a I earlier said, rape occur in both sex (unisex). They include:-
a).        A boy to a girl: this is he most commonly seen one in our society. (Opposite sex). It could be an elderly man raping a young girl, or a young boy raping a young girl but all that matters is that this type occur in the opposite sex
others include:
b).       A girl to her fellow girl: this is rare in our society or what we call lesbian, a girl might be raped by her fellow girl because she refused to become her lesbian partner.
c).        A boy to his fellow boy: also, this is  rare in our country Nigeria but can be seen in place U.S.A and other more developed where a boy is raped by his boy(s) because they feel that he is attractive to them (muscles, heights, handsome e.t.c) or he has been asked out by his boy to be his fellow partner on bed that is homosexual.
d).       A girl(s) to a boy: I told that rape occur between the both sex because I have seen instances where a group of girls raped their teacher (the teacher in turn, have sex with girls, it may be 4 or 55 or even sex and when he refuse, the girls might kill him or even injure him) because he has never asked any of his class girls out for a date or any kind of relationship.

REASONS WHY PEOPLE ARE RAPED
Some people contribute to why they are raped. They include:
a).        dressing: some people live a way ward life. This life can be seen in such individual through their dressing, they way they talk to people, they way they interact with people in the society e.t.c.
talking about dressing, when a young girl wears a cloth that is so short, opens every parts of her body, she is simply attracting rape because men are easily attracted by what they see.
b).       Physical features: these are element that is seen in one’s body like breast, muscles, facial beauty, buttocks, big hips, tallness, slimness e.t.c
            Some people cannot avoid people admiring them because of this physical features endowed on them by God this physical features leads to rape and other things.
c).        Faith. You may be wondering why I said faith, but yes it also play an important role in our lives. The faith I mean is when God say that an individual must will make it in life, it will surely come to pass, but they are things temptations that one can not avoid in life but God has assure us that no temptation that will come our way that will be bigger than us.
            Such temptations include rape because some young girls dress in such a way that a healthy man or boy will not even notice them but still this ones are victim of rape almost all the time.
d).       Peer Pressure: this is common seen among the youth (boy)
            Peer pressure are group of young people who are born in the same month, year, some, the same day but fall into the same age range. Boys are usually victims of peer pressure because a boy who is among bad friend, will definitely start behaving in such a way because there is a saying that goes thus “bad company corrupts good manner”.
            Some of these boy are pushed by their peer groups in order to prove to their age grade that they are real men and can do anything this is why such boys involve in things like rape, robbery, e.t.c

WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP
            Relationship can be defined as the way in which two or more people are connected or behave towards each other. OR a living and sexual association two people.
            It can also be defined as “any connection, involvement, or association between two people, regardless of it’s source” Ike. J. Ndolo (2006:5)
            Relationships starts when two people or more than meet in a particular place, it could be church, school, market place, social gathering e.t.c. such relationship can be permanent or it cannot be permanent.

TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP
We have different types of relationship which include:
1)        ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: this is sub –divided into two:
(a)       cross-sex relationship: such as husband and wife, fiancĂ© and fiancĂ©e, boy and girl e.t.c.
(b)       same-sex relationship: such as homosexual lesbian where the same sex partners have relationship that include having sex and call themselves such names as roommates, lovers, partners e.t.c
2).       Friendship relationship: As friendship types include cross-sex or same-sex using such labels as best friends, close friends, just friends, casual friends, pal e.t.c
3).       Family relationship: this is a type of relationship where the participants are called brother, sister, aunty, uncle, grandparents, mummy, daddy, step-brother cousin, siblings e.t.c.
            This participants are blood related.
4).       Work and function- based relationship: these relationships are such relationship that exists between employer and employee, lecture and student, co-workers, school mate, pastor and parishioners e.t.c.

REASONS WHY WE ENTER INTO RELATIONSHIP
1)        To understand ourselves
2)        To understand others
3)        To understand and cope with our world
4)        To fulfill our needs
5)        To increase and enrich positive experiences
Effects of rape in a relationship
a)         Diseases: when girl is raped by someone she does not know, there are chances to get infected with one deadly disease or the other like sexual transmitted diseases or infections (STDs or STIs), HIV/ AIDs, e.t.c. this diseases a re so deadly that they can cause illness and death
b)        Lack of trust: any relationship that lacks trust, is a worthless relationship because trust is the solid foundation in which relationship are built upon.
            For a example, when a girl has been raped by a boy or group of boys, such girl can hardly trust any boy for her to go into relationship with him but when she agree to enter such relationship, she will never trust the boy and she will never be seen alone with the boy because she has captioned boys to be all the same.
c)         Psychological problem: some, after being raped, affect their brain and they begin to behave abnormally. Such people needs medical attention or a guidance and counselor (G and C) to counsel them out of such problem. When this problem is not treated well can lead to madness or even broken marriage because such a person will continue having problem with the husband everyday. Some of them hardly get married because they have lost their trust for men.
d)        s People involved in rape feel inferior, and have been cheated and they think that they no longer fit into the society.
            Some of them loss their friend because they stay indoors and do not want to be seen or heard by anyone in the society.
            Also, Guidance and Counselor (G and C) is needed when it has gotten this stage.
e)         Death: some people who are involved in rape die because their infections or diseases were not treated when or because of one problem or the other that rape has caused.
            Some who are raped by unknown person may eventually get pregnant and they will commit abortion which leads to the destruction of their wombs or other vital parts of their body. When such individuals get married, they can not be able to produce their own babies, except through God’s intervention. Some who could not bear children die because of frustration from either their mother in-laws or husband’s family
f)         Risk of getting pregnant: people who are involved in rape sometimes stand a great chance of getting pregnant and this is not good for young one who are still in secondary school.
            When such things happen, such an individual becomes a school drop, affects ones career in future and this is not good at all.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE RAPED?
            When one is raped, one needs to care of herself properly. For some people, that means reporting the crime immediately and fighting to see the rapist is brought to justice. Rape is an act of aggression and violence. Sometimes a rapist will try to exert even more power by making the who has been raped feel like it was actually his or her fault. A rapist may say stuff like “you asked for it” or you wanted it”. His is just another way of the rapist to take control. The truth is that what a person wears, what a person says, or how a person acts is never a justification for rape.
(1)       Report such cases to police: most people who are raped know their rapist. That can sometimes lead the person who’s been raped to try to protect the perpetrator, do not worry about protecting the person who raped you. If you want to report the crime to the police, do so. Reporting may help protect others from that person and may help you feel a little less like you were a victim.
(2)       Seek Medical care: the first thing someone who has been raped needs to do is see a medical doctor. Most medical centers and hospital emergency department have doctors and counselors who have been trained to take care of raped patients. It is important to get medical care because a doctor will need to check you for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and    internal injuries.
            You should get medical attention right away without charging your clothes, showering, douching or washing. It can be hard not to clean up, or course-it’s a natural human instinct to wash away all traces of sexual assault. But being examined right away is the best to ensure you get proper medical treatment.
            In conclusion, rape    is not good and people who have been involve in it will tell you that it is not something you prayer for because it deadliest thing to do that man inhumanity to man and even God frown’s at it.
            People are called rapist should either change now they still have the time or will be caught  up by the law someday.
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